It Follows (2015) – We don't know why and neither does anyone else but it does and sooner or later it catches up to you. I took the family and they thought it was stupid. But not me.
Everly (2015) – In the words of Scott Weinberg of The Nerdist, ”either you want to see Salma Hayek destroying waves of underworld scumbags, or you do not.” If you do, gear up for some mindless action, hysterical violence, heaving bosoms and Salma, herself, turning in one extremely ballsy performance.
Kingsmen: Secret Service (2015) – Among many other highly entertaining moments, we get to see over a hundred heads explode in various dazzling colors.
American Sniper (2015) – Clint Eastwood is now officially the American Kurosawa, in his 80s and still cranking out masterpieces on regular basis. Does anyone remember Play Misty for Me?
Whiplash (2014) – A musical horror story with a happy ending. And in the future you will do everything that J.K. Simmons tells you to do and if you watch TV, he tells you to do a lot of stuff but mostly buy insurance.
Birdman (2014) – Did they call it Birdman and then hire Michael Keaton or did they hire Michael Keaton and decide to call it Birdman? It doesn’t matter. Michael Keaton is fantastic along with Ed Norton and everybody else plus it turns out to be an absolutely magical movie.
On DVD/Digital:
Into The Storm (2014) – Hands down, the greatest weather movie ever made. Sure, there are some awkward moments of ill-conceived human drama but they only serve to differentiate the disasters which are non-stop and culminate in the "biggest tornado in history."
I Frankenstein (2014) – Yes, it's ridiculous. Aarron Eckhart is a Men's Health version of Frankenstein’s monster, totally cut and stylishly attired. But the flying gargoyle scenes are absolutely fantastic and in 3D.
Found (2013) – What if you thought your older brother might be a serial killer and found a human head stashed in his closet?
American Hustle (2013) – Everybody liked this movie but it got burned at the Oscars. Still, Christian Bale’s character is a monumental achievement in turning a pudgy shlub who glues his hair to his head, into a cinematic hero, of sorts.
Pompeii (2014) – Sure, they made fun of it but it only makes it more fun. The volcano scenes, generously sprinkled throughout, are terrifying and Keifer Sutherland's foppish Roman soldier is great comedy relief. And the volcano spares no one!
Edge of Tomorrow (2014) – It's a Tom Cruise must-see if you must see Tom Cruise. And it's a stroke of genius that got burned at the box office by some teen tearjerker.
Gravity 3D – 90 minutes in space where everything is going wrong in 3D on the giant Imax screen is about as much riveting as I can take. So while I was really happy to get back to earth, I really like outerspace and I am anxious to go back and I want to go with Sandra Bullock.
You're Next – Finally, the return of Barbara Crampton who, unfortunately, is now middle-aged and takes a machete to the head just when things start getting crazy. Aside from some inane dialogue this is a well-made really entertaining update on some tried and true clichés as an entire family is methodically slaughtered with unusual weapons by marauding fiends wearing little lamb masks.
The Iceman – A brutal, entertaining vehicle for Michael Shannon to show you why he's about the most interesting actor we have on the silver screen. He's also scary as shit. Watch for the assassination montage!
Stoker – This is a story by Wentworth Miller from Prison Break, the TV series, and it’s really well written with some great actors, including Nicole Kidman, and much to everyone’s surprise some really bad things happen. In the words of the guy I was following out of the theater, “That Wentworth Miller, is one sick fuck!”
Jack The Giant Slayer – Jack and the Beanstalk starring Abbott and Costello was the first movie over which I became irrational. I saw it seven days in a row. I’m not sure why. I like Abbott and Costello but not all that much. I think it was the giant: Buddy Baer in elevated shoes. The giants in this movie, however, are the best giants ever and they’re in 3D and I saw it at the Imax where the giants were all that they could be. The movie is pretty exciting as well. The beanstalk is fantastic!
Mama (2012) – After Jessica Chastain had Osama Bin Laden tracked down and killed in Zero Dark Thirty, she reluctantly takes care of a couple of creepy kids who spent the last five years living in the woods but not necessarily alone. It's almost as scary as being caught in Pakistan and Jessica is unrecognizable with dark hair and some nice rock and roll tattoos.
Nobody Else But You (2011) – It’s a French movie about a naked cheese model who believes she is the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe and is boffing the reincarnation of JFK. It does not seem all that unreasonable in this whimsical murder mystery that could not be more French or delightful.
Zero Dark Thirty – Suddenly, waterboarding seems like a good idea, as long as you’re just watching. Failure to nominate director Kathryn Bigelow for an Oscar after nominating her movie, makes the Academy look extremely stupid and irrelevant. Best line: “Get back to fuckin’ work and bring me some people to kill!”
Django Unchained – Another politically incorrect masterpiece from Quinton Tarantino. Spike Lee won’t even go but we did and it was spectacularly awesome, ending in a fantastic blood bath. The only decent Caucasian human being we see in the film comes from Germany, just so we don’t get the wrong idea.
Seven Psychopaths – Although this movie is really well made, its success depends on the psychopaths and they made some spectacular casting choices, not the least of which being Sam Rockwell who sets the standard. The film also takes pride in its gore and offers up at least one solid quality kill which, of course, gets a huge laugh and might lead one to suspect there are at least as many psychopaths in the audience as on the screen.
End of Watch – Jake Gyllenhaal in a cop movie that's gritty and realistic and funny and tragic. Aside from Clint Eastwood, what else could you possibly want?
Premium Rush – Joseph Gordon Levitt is apparently intent on becoming some kind of acting super star. He's really good no matter what he's in and this is happens to be an exciting piece of entertainment featuring Michael Shannon as an appropriately bad guy.
The Amazing Spider-man 3D – I almost missed this 3D experience and it would have been tragic. I'm a big fan of the Spider-man movies and this one seems like the best. You truly feel the unbridled joy and excitement of being Spider-man. It is so much fun.
Argo (2012) – A movie about movies and how they save lives, directed by Ben Affleck, still trying to redeem himself from Gigli. It’s no wonder it won Best Picture. It is also being threatened by a lawsuit from the entire country of Iran. They say they’ve been misrepresented. Surprise, surprise.
Imposter (2012) – In 1997 a 23 year old French kid in Spain, attempts to pass himself off as a missing 16 year old kid from Texas and he succeeds. We get to see it happen in home movie footage. And then he finds out why it was so easy and it freaks even him out. Recreated scenes and dialogue are brilliantly filmed and mixed with the actual characters interviewed present day. At the end we come down on the side of the imposter and it’s a genuine and unlikely feel good.
Searching for Sugar Man – One of those documentaries that seem to demonstrate God is the best script writer of all. With two albums under his belt, a chorus of admiration (better than Dylan) and sales estimated at about six (6), the mysterious Rodriguez disappeared in the 70’s while his music, unbeknownst to him, fueled a revolution in South Africa where, to this day, he is more popular than Elvis. We also find out he still lives in Detroit.
Looper – Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the young Bruce Willis and is suppose to kill his own older self (Bruce Willis) in a time traveling murder scheme. He doesn’t do it and excitement ensues. Fortunately, they altered Levitt to look like Willis and not the other way around.
The Testament of Doctor Mabuse (1933) – A classic creepy masterpiece from Fritz Lang.
Savages – Salma Hyak is the head of the Mexican drug cartel that is cutting off heads and coming to America and she couldn’t be hotter. Oliver Stone’s movie about marijuana smuggling is brutal, accurate and features a spectacular strain of herb that a lot of pot heads will die for.
Skyfall – Having been weaned on Sean Connery’s 007, I have been disappointed in all the Bond movies, although this is the best of them and Daniel Craig is excellent. The old Bond movies remain stylish and impeccable but corny and the concept is outdated so I’m just waiting for Angelina Jolie to make the sequel to Salt.
Beasts of the Southern Wild – This is movie magic at its finest and fiercest, running like a documentary through the flooded lowlands of New Orleans after the storms, watching a collection of survivors that will not leave, led by a 7 year old girl who will not surrender. It is something of a miracle.
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter – This is serious business. Within the first few minutes, Abe dispatches his first Vampire with a bullet to the forehead. And it’s in 3D so it seems like the bullet is going for your forehead. Turns out slavery was a secondary issue. The real historical discrepancy, however, is Mary Todd. Here, she’s hot.
Headhunters (2010) – Coming on the heels of Dead Snow (well, three years later) one has to wonder what's happening in Norway. This movie is vicious, smart, funny and comes with a happy ending. Hope I didn't ruin it for you.
Mother's Day (2010) – Rebecca De Mornay is running her crime family as best she can and demonstrates her motherly instincts by assisting her fatally wounded son who wants to get laid just once before he dies. She picks the girl and unbuckles his belt. It's the least a mother can do.
Marvel’s The Avengers – They are a fantastic bunch inflicting us with some tedious, if irresistible action and featuring Mark Ruffalo’s The Hulk who manages to give us the film's violent high-lite which is no easy feat. It seems to promise more from the Big Green Guy.
Chronicles – You would not expect a low budget science fiction thriller to be especially thrilling but the low budget special effects create an oddly believable reality and, suddenly, you believe a man... or teenager, can fly. You also believe all the problems those superpowers can bring.
Puss in Boots – A special treat for those of us who thought Puss was the funniest character in Shrek. Salma Hayek maintains all of her hotness as Kitty Soft Paws and the whole event seems perfect, including the evil Humpty Dumpty. Just remember, I have a 10 year old daughter.
Real Steel – Why am I just now finding out about bot bouts? They could not be more exciting and the movie is also excellent, if slightly on the wholesome side.
Drive – Holy crap! Ryan Gosling has committed the most brutal stomping death in cinematic history. Even Albert Brooks is killing people, albeit apologetically.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark – Katie Holmes and Guy Pearce don't really make the sparks fly (She probably saves them for Tom) and the little girl looks terminally grumpy but just like a little Katie Holmes. Still, it is very well made and creatures are pretty fantastic: small and furry, looking like bi-ped rats and capable of speech and all that it entails. They are also evil little killers and there are lots of them.
Final Destination 5 – This is the movie that gives 3D its reason for existence.
Sweet Karma (2009) – The Canadian underground Russian sex world is torn asunder by beautiful, mute Karma who is seeking for vengeance for her missing sister. It’s gritty, brutal, well-acted and cheap with a fine, twisted ending.
Surveillance (2007) – Serial killers, suddenly, could not be more entertaining although it takes most of the movie to find out who they are but after that, the fun is unlimited. Julia Ormond is especially delightful.
Pulling John (2009) – If you are not into arm wrestling, and who is, you probably do not know John Brzenk is the greatest arm wrestler ever and this documentary is as heart pounding as a sports movie gets.
Bad Teacher (2011) – Cameron Diaz is everything you could possibly want in a bad teacher. How do you ditch a fiancé who threatens to "suck your dick like I was mad at it." It's really funny.
Catfish (2010) – Three guys from Brooklyn make a movie while tracking down the internet sensation Abby, an 8 year old with precocious talent who turns out to be a figment of her sociopathic mother’s imagination. A spectacular adventure of the digital reality kind. Look for Vince to give us closure and the movie’s title.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes – King Kong aside, the greatest ape movie ever made but it should have been much better. The story is terrific just not told too well. The acting is listless and opportunities are squandered but when the apes get the screen, and they get it a lot, it’s fantastic.
Hobo with a Shotgun – The Street Trash of the new millennium. Rutger Hauer gives it up as the hobo with a shotgun and the film has gone the distance to be as distasteful and offensive as possible. A monumental success!
Super 8 – It starts with the greatest (and longest) train derailment ever filmed and goes downhill from there but not too far and it's all very exciting, with aliens. It's Steven Spielberg and J. J. Abrams, for god's sake!
Midnight in Paris – Woody Allen’s time travel movie with Owen Wilson seems like a comedic masterstroke with the greatest ‘Hemingway’ to ever appear on film. “Anyone wanna fight?”
Hanna – She’s genetically enhanced and kills without remorse which is the way I like my teenagers, at least in the movies. Cate Blanchette also kills without remorse but she’s not genetically enhanced.
Queen to Play – The second best chess movie ever (Searching for Bobby Fisher being the first). Actually it’s a French, romantic chess comedy and my ten year old loved it and only had to avert her eyes on two occasions. The subtitles are slightly challenging.
Limitless – A drug movie with a happy ending. This is new territory. Ralph Fiennes takes a pill, gets super smart, makes tons of money, kills a couple of people, gets very sick, but recovers, and, along with his girlfriend, successfully manages his new drug habit and apparently lives happily ever after.
Adjustment Bureau – Once you accept the ridiculous premise that there is an army of immortal beings rushing around fixing stuff, it’s a fun filled, action adventure of the existential sort with the lovely Emily Blunt offering up a contorted dance segment and Matt Damon again demonstrating his determined manliness against all odds.